It's Just NOT Right

Okay, so this has been on my mind for a long, long time - which means that chances are that I'm going to go off like a stick of dynamite, so you have been warned! First off, I loved conference. I felt like so many of the talks were written just for me! I won't go into all of that, but for me it was very touching. During one particular talk I was thinking a lot about something that was said about society accepting more and more behavior that previously was not acceptable, to the point where it is acceptable and then something has to be that much more shocking in order for us to think anything of it. I think the word used during that talk was that we are "deceived," and I think that it might have been in Sister Dalton's talk but honestly after so many sessions of conference, they are now starting to run together. If it wasn't her, I'm sure someone will correct me.

You know how when you were little you said "when I grow up I'm going to let my kids do _____." When I was very young I was always going to let my kids eat as much candy as they wanted to, I was going to buy them whatever clothes they wanted, I was going to let them stay out as late as they wanted, and above all I was going to be the cool mom! Well, guess what . . . I don't let my kids eat as much candy as they want to, I don't let them wear whatever they want to, I don't let them stay up as late as they want to, and most of all I do NOT let them listen to whatever music they want to and I do NOT let them watch whatever movies they want to. Now, before I really get started, let me say that Bailee and Morgan are good kids. Up to this point they have not gotten into any major trouble and for the most part they make pretty good choices, but they are only 10 and they have a long way to go - they are just getting started.

So back to the conference talk -my question is where did society go wrong? I mean REALLY, REALLY wrong. This whole thing was prompted by the song "I Kissed a Girl," which, for those of you who don't know, is sung by a girl. I will be the first to admit that I have listed to and liked songs simply for the tune and the band and for whatever other reason. But, something inside of me got really ticked off when I first heard this song about a girl kissing another girl "just to try it" - - like that makes it okay. When did it become acceptable for girls to kiss girls? This song now forces me to have to have a conversation with my 10 year olds that I never expected to be having at this age - that it's NOT okay for girls to kiss girls. Seriously, I think the song is just as catchy as everyone else, which is probably the reason for the conference talk. Society just pushes the envelope until everyone thinks that it is alright.

So now, for the past few weeks, up until conference I started to think I was probably just over-reacting because this song made me so mad when it first came out and then as time went on I said to myself "but I can tell my kids that it's not okay, and it's just a song." But where do we draw the line?

Today I called my aunt about something about Taylor and the topic quickly turned to our older kids (her youngest is about the same age as my girls). I told her that I was already "worried" about my girls and what they are being exposed to and all of the issues kids face today. Her first words to me were "you should be worried." As we got talking she starts telling me that her kids know other kids, in junior high, who come from very good LDS families who are having sex and they think it's okay. Two disclaimers here - (1) I am NOT judging ANYONE! I am simply discussing the fact that kids face a lot of problems these days and so many of them are having a hard time making wise choices. (2) I am NOT, NOT, NOT saying that just because these kids being raised in LDS homes that it makes any of this any better or any worse, but I bring this up only because in our religion we try to teach our kids that it is not okay, in spite of what the world says. So, if we are trying to teach our kids these things and even a lot of them still think it's okay, what does that mean? Is this really socially acceptable to the average 13 year old?

My kids probably think that I'm not cool sometimes because I stress a lot the importance of modest clothes, and I won't let them wear bikinis that show off their stomach, and because I won't let them watch PG-13 movies because they are either too violent, or the girls in those movies spend all of their time worrying about boyfriends (heck this is even the case with most of the shows on Disney after school gets out). I want my kids to use good judgment. They are only 10 and I do not want them to think that it's okay to have a "boyfriend," because having a "boyfriend" when you are little is not as innocent as it used to be. I want my girls to enjoy their childhood which means, for now, that we don't need boyfriends, and I certainly don't want some 12 year old checking them out and the pool already, so no skimpy bikinis! Does it mean that I won't have a teenager who ends up pregnant? Nope. Does that mean they will make every decision the way I want them to? Nope. Does that mean that because there is all of this crappy stuff that is going on these days their lives will be ruined forever? Nope. We all make mistakes and that is the purpose of free agency. And, hopefully we all learn from our mistakes. I know plenty of people who committed serious sins, even in junior high, who turned out just fine, but that does not make it okay. And trust me when I tell you that there are lots of kids out doing things that their parents would be totally shocked about. I just don't want to be that naive parent who does not know what her kids are up to. I don't want them to think that just because other kids do it, that I think it's acceptable. I want them to know where I stand. I want them to know that I expect them to make better choices than that. Isn't it the goal of every parent to give our children more than we had? That doesn't mean we give them more candy, let them stay up later, buy them better clothes or any of those other trivial things that don't even matter. It means that we try to educate them more, so that they make better decisions than we made. It means we try our hardest to tell them what is right and wrong and then just hope and pray that they make good choices, but we have to start now - not when they get into junior high, because then it's already too late.

The other part of me doesn't want to over do it - I don't want to hound or bark at my kids every time they do something wrong, because they are going to make mistakes. That's what life is about. That said, I told my aunt about how my poor kids get the 3rd degree every time they go somewhere or come home (where are you going, who will be there, there has to be a parent home, what are you going to do, or what did you do? - all put in a nice, I'm just interested in you and love you tone), but my aunt reassured me that this is how it has to be. She told me how blunt she is with her kids about life, and it gives me courage to say what has to be said, even if it just means telling them that it's NOT okay to kiss girls, even just to try it, because IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!!

P.S. - Thanks to a very long conversation with my very cool aunt, I feel so much better now!